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44 Hysterical Science Jokes

We’ve done our research and proposed a theory – there are some very funny science jokes (and not just clones of other jokes). So we’ve experimented with the numbers and compiled a report of 44 tried and tested jokes to tickle your funny bone (or to scientists; to tickle your humerus).


Physics Jokes That Will Blow You Away

Physics is the study of matter. But what we reckon matters is a really good laugh.

 

> Where do bad lights end up?

 In a prism.

 

> Mother to son lying on the couch, “Get up and do your homework.”

I am he replies, “I’m studying Newton’s 1st Law. A body at rest, wants to stay at rest. So stop hassling.”

 

> Physics would be much easier if the tree had fallen on Newton’s head rather than an apple.

 

> A physicist and a biologist went on a date, but it didn’t work out. They lacked chemistry.

 

> Why is electricity always left at home when there’s a social event?

  Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.

 

> I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

 

> Newton’s Law of Relatives: The more you dislike your in-laws the more they’re likely to visit.


Chemistry Jokes That Have An Element Of Surprise

Take a joke, add some witty telling, let it react and then stand back. A laughter explosion is on its way.

 

> A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?”

 The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

 

> Teen 1: “Did you hear oxygen and magnesium hooked up?”

 Teen 2: “OMG!!!”

 

> Why can you never trust atoms?

 They make up everything.

 

> A doctor tells a woman she has only six months to live. He advises her to marry a chemist and move to Frankston.

“Will this cure my illness?” she asks.

“No,” the doctor replies “but it will make it seem like a very long time.”

 

> What do you do with a sick chemist?

 If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.

 

> A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he wants help with his luggage.

 He says, “ No, I’m travelling light.”

 

> Why are chemists great for solving problems?

 They have all the solutions.

 

> I was reading a book on helium. I couldn’t put it down.

 

> Two chemists had triplets. Two girls and a boy. They named them Poly, Ethel, and Ian.

 

> What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?

 A CaNiNe.


Maths Jokes That Will Multiply Your Laughter

Here’s a bunch of jokes to have you double up with laughter.

 

> Did you hear the one about the statistician?

 Probably.

 

> A farmer counted 196 cows in his paddock. When he rounded them up he had 200.

 

> Did you hear about the mathematician terrified of negative numbers?

 He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

> Why was six scared? Because seven eight nine.

 

> Where’s the warmest spot in the house?

 The corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.

 

> If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the  corner, he convinces himself there’s a solution and leaves.

 

> What did 0 say to 8?

  Nice belt

 

> Why was the maths nerd’s girlfriend the square root of 100?

  She’s the perfect 10, but purely imaginary.


Biology Jokes That Will Have Your Body Shaking With Laughter

You won’t have to cell these jokes. They’re funny and then some.

 

> What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down its genes

 

> A dung beetle walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me is this stool taken.”

 

> A butterfly gets pulled over by the cops for speeding. He hands the cop his driver’s licence with a photo of a caterpillar on it. “Sorry officer, it’s an old photo.”

 

> It’s recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

 

> Psychic tells a frog, “You’ll soon meet a beautiful young women who will want to know everything about you.”

“Awesome”, says the frog. “Will we meet at a party?”

“No”, says the psychic, “in a biology class.”

 

> Biology teacher, What does the chicken give you?”

  Students, “ Eggs and meat.”

  Teacher, “And what does the pig give you?”

  Students, “ Bacon and pork”

 “Wonderful.” And what about the fat cow?

  Students, “Homework”!

 

> Where have all the viruses gone? They FLU away.

 

> If H20 is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice.

  H20 cubed.

 

> Why are men sexier than women?

  You can’t spell sexy without “xy”.


Weather Jokes To Make Your Day Brighter

Weather news readers are notorious for jokes that run out of puff. These crackers are guaranteed to weather the storm.

 

> One Tectonic Plate bumps into another and says, “Sorry, My Fault.”

 

> What does daylight saving mean in Hobart?

An extra hour of rain.

 

> Why is a husband like the weather?

You can’t change either of them.

 

> Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

Apparently the food’s great but the place lacks atmosphere.

 

> What did the fog say to the light rain?

I mist you.

 

> Did you hear about the weather reader who broke both arms and legs?

 She ended up with forecasts.

 

> What is worse than raining buckets?

 Hailing taxis!

 

> Why did the young cloud get in trouble?

  He never took anything cirrus!

 

> Why did the boy only wear one boot to school?

  He heard there would be a 50% chance of rain.

 

> How do you tell a snowman from a snow woman?

  Snowballs


And if you want to bring even more joy and happiness into your “scientists” don’t just make them laugh, give them a hand-on science gift. How about a Kitchen Science Kit, full of dozens of whacky kitchen experiments. Get them to try Crystal Growing or learn how to Generate Electricity From Mud. Perhaps a Magnet Science Kit or a Weather Station Terrarium Kit. Or perhaps just find out how smart they really are with Mensa Challenge Your IQ Quiz Cards.

Tom Raider

Tom Raider

Our wily wordsmith, Tom, is a key weaver of yarns and the chief storyteller at Octopus HQ. Tom writes words of wit and wisdom which can be read on Yellow Blogtopus. He also helps pen the praiseworthy product descriptions that help you decide what you feel like purchasing from us. Along with our Marketing Maestro, he helps brain storm and devise new plans for how to spread the name of Yellow Octopus to deserving Australians from Kakadu all the way to King Island.

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