mark twain quotes

50 Classic Mark Twain Quotes & Sayings

Why are Mark Twain’s quotes still so relevant today? Author Jerome Loving said, “The best kind of humour is pretty serious, and Twain’s jokes go to the roots of human nature. It’s humour that doesn’t depend on its own time. It’s universal.” And that, is the key to unlocking his greatness. They’re timeless and universal. 

Mark Twain’s quotes are wry. They challenge and confront you. They make you think and reflect. They inspire. And they make you laugh. That’s pure genius to be able to do so much with just a few simple words. 

But before you check out these fun quotes, be sure to check out Yellow Octopus range of fun books

Let’s Get Started With Mark Twain’s Best Quotes… 

> “The secret of getting ahead is getting started.”

> “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”

> “Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”

> “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

> “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”

> “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

> “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.” 

> “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” 

> “Classic′ – a book which people praise and don’t read.” 

> “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

> “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”

> “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

> “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.”

> “Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”

 > “Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”

> “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

> “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”

> “Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.”

 > “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.”

 > “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.”

> “Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”

> “A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.”

> “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

> “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

> “Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”

> “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”

> “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

> “God created war so that Americans would learn geography.”

> “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” 

> “With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.”

> “Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.”

> “Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

> “Man was made at the end of the week’s work, when God was tired.”

> “I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.”

> “Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.”

> “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”

> “The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

> “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”

> “Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked.”

> “A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.”

> “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

> “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”

> “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”


Now that you’ve read these fun quotes, be sure to check out Yellow Octopus range of great gift books.


There’s nothing like a taste of greatness to inspire you, make you smile or laugh out loud. And Mark Twain quotes can be just your beginning. There are many other great collections of quotes… 

> Why not let the “modern” master of wit and wisdom, Tyrone Lannister of G.o.T fame enlighten you? 

> Or what about sharing a bunch of awesome and inspirational quotes?
> Someone having a milestone birthday. Make them laugh ‘til they wet themselves. 18, 30, 40, 50, 60 even 80 & 90 and Proud Of It little books of quotations will ensure they have the time of their life. 

> Maybe you just want to be ooze positivity. With these quotes in your armoury your glass won’t be just half full, it’ll be overflowing. 

> And if you’re after a selection of in your face quotes, nothing can Trump these.

Tom Raider

Tom Raider

Our wily wordsmith, Tom, is a key weaver of yarns and the chief storyteller at Octopus HQ. Tom writes words of wit and wisdom which can be read on Yellow Blogtopus. He also helps pen the praiseworthy product descriptions that help you decide what you feel like purchasing from us. Along with our Marketing Maestro, he helps brain storm and devise new plans for how to spread the name of Yellow Octopus to deserving Australians from Kakadu all the way to King Island.