51 Dog Jokes That’ll Have You Howling With Laughter

51 Dog Jokes That’ll Have You Howling With LaughterIt’s been a dog of a day and now that you’re home you’re dog tired. Well we’ve got just the thing to get your tail wagging… 51 dog jokes that you’ll love as much as your best friend. Read on and you’ll soon be yelping with laughter. Sit, stay, enjoy.

Hilarious Dog Jokes Unleashed 

  1. What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion?  I don’t know, but you won’t be getting any mail, that’s for sure.
  2. How do dog catchers get paid? By the pound.
  3. Being a professional dog walker is a ruff job.
  4. Which dog gets enraged by the colour red? A Bulldog.
  5. What does a mobile phone and a dog have in common? Collar I.D.
  6. My dog has trouble barking. He’s a little Husky.
  7. My dog wasn’t happy when I took her to the flea market.
  8. When dogs graduate from obedience school they get their Masters.
  9. The sheep dog says to the farmer, “Here’s your 40 sheep.” The farmer replies, “But I’ve only got 37.” The sheepdog answers, “I’ve rounded them up.”
  10. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet.
  11. What is it called when a cat wins the dog show? A Cat Has Trophy.
  12. A man takes his dog to the vet because his dog’s cross-eyed? The vet picks him up, takes a look and says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” What?” the panicked owner says, “Just because he’s cross-eyed? “No”, says the vet, “He’s really heavy.”
  13. My dog swallowed two pieces of string. An hour later they came out tied together. He looked up at me with his big, brown eyes and said, “I shit you knot.”
  14. What type of dog did Dracula own? A bloodhound.
  15. Where does a dog go shopping? At a re-tail shop.
  16. What goes tick-tock, woof woof? A watchdog.
  17. Why do you have to be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs? You might step in a poodle.
  18. Why do dogs run in circles? Because it’s too hard to run in squares.
  19. Why did the woman take her dog to a psychologist? Because she thought it was going barking mad.
  20. Why don’t blind people go parachuting? It really scares the dog.
  21. Dog Mum to pups, “We’re eating dinner soon, don’t fill up on homework.”
  22. I went to the zoo, but it was lousy. It only had one small dog. It was a Shitzu
  23. A farmer took his sheepdog to the vet. “He keeps shaking all the time.” The vet says, “Who do you barrack for?” “Collingwood”, the farmer replies, “But what’s that got to do with anything?” It’s straight forward,” says the vet, “He’s got the Colliewobbles.”
  24. I must stop writing these paw jokes.
  25. Why should you restrain your dog when walking? So it doesn’t lead you astray.
  26. I built a kennel for my dog. I named it the paw house.
  27. I named my dog Frost. Because Frostbites.
  28. Everytime I feed my dalmatian she looks up afterwards and says, “That hit the spots.”
  29. My neighbour always complained about barking dogs in the street. So when we got a dog we made sure it was a Hushpuppy.
  30. I went to see 101 Dalmatians. I think the projector was blurry because I kept seeing spots in front of my eyes.
  31. Which is the fastest dog? The dachshund.
  32. Who brings presents for dogs at Christmas? Santa Paws
  33. Why do dogs race to the door when the doorbell rings… It’s never for them.
  34. A stranger enters a country store and sees a sign: Beware of the dog!. The stranger says to the  store owner, “Is it that old bag of bones we’re supposed to be beware of?” “It couldn’t hurt anyone.” “It’s not that,” said the owner, “It’s to stop people tripping over him.”
  35. My dog is very clever. He brings the newspaper in every morning. Particularly since I don’t subscribe to any.
  36. I got a miniature Boxer. I named him Boxer Shorts.
  37. My dog won’t fetch sticks. He says it’s below his station as a branch manager.
  38. My Lab eats everything not nailed down. He says it’s best if all food goes to the lab for testing.
  39. I took my Lab to the vet. I hope my Lab report comes back ok.
  40. I told my vet that my dog didn’t understand my instructions. She said it was because I was speaking English to a German Shepherd.
  41. My friend was reminding me about how Pavlov trained dogs. I said that rings a bell.
  42. I read to my dog. My Great Dane loves tall tails.
  43. There mutt be a good chance my dog is not purebred.
  44. My friend said he can throw a stick two kilometers away and his dog still finds it and brings it back. That sounded a bit far-fetched to me.
  45. I put garlic on all my dog’s food. His bark is worse than his bite.
  46. I called my dog Naked. That way when friends ring I can say I’m walking naked down the street.
  47. My dog is short-sighted. I saw him chasing a cat but found him barking up the wrong tree.
  48. I went to the psychiatrist and told him I thought I was a dog. He told me to lie on the couch. I said, “I’m not allowed up on the furniture.”
  49. An English setter, an Irish wolfhound, a Scottish terrier and a Welsh corgi walk into a bar. There’s got to be a joke in there somewhere.
  50. My poor dog came home exhausted and slumped into his beanbag. He looked human tired.
  51. I must paws now, these dog jokes are getting pretty ruff and if I write any more I’ll go barking mad.


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