48 Beer Jokes To Turn Happy Hour Into Hilarious Hour

Here are 48 hilarious beer jokes that’ll turn happy hour into hilarious hour. Why 48 jokes? Well that’s two slabs worth of jokes in beer talk. These beer jokes are guaranteed to have your mates laughing so hard they’ll spill their beer. What? No. That’s a step too far. But you will be revered as one hilarious dude. So here’s 48 ripper beer jokes and puns to scull…

Beer Jokes So Funny They That Never Go Flat

  1. I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’
  2. What do you never say when pulled over by a policeman? “Sure let me grab my license. Can you hold my beer?”
  3. Did you know if you say beer can with an English accent it comes out as bacon in a Jamaican accent. Go on, try it.
  4. They say you can’t find happiness at the bottom of a beer. No kidding, who’s happy when their beer is over?
  5. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Don’t worry they’ll tell you.
  6. Why do we love beer? Because you can’t drink bacon.
  7. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of a kid dropping an ice cream.
  8. Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not beer.
  9. “To beer or not to beer.” — Shakesbeer
  10. A Roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, thanks.”
  11. Beer gives me a reason to wake up every afternoon.
  12. Psychiatrist to patient, “Remember it’s a beer commercial. That, kind of happiness may not be attainable.”
  13. Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour. Teach a man how to brew and he wastes a lifetime.
  14. You shouldn’t drink beer every day. That’s why I only drink at night.
  15. If at first you don’t succeed, it’s not a twist-top, use a bottle opener.
  16. Two mates walk into a bar. The first says, “Bartender give me a Budweiser. The second says, “Give me a coke.” The first bloke says, “What gives drinking coke?” His mate answers, “I just thought if you weren’t having a beer, I wouldn’t either.”
  17. Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 beers go down quicker than an elephant on a see-saw.
  18. If you don’t drink beer how will your mates know you love them at 2.a.m?
  19. Beer and life are best enjoyed the same way. Chilled.
  20. Some people see the glass as half empty. Some see it as half full. I just wonder who in the hell is drinking my beer.
  21. Beer doesn’t make you fat. It makes you lean against bars, tables, chairs, your mates.
  22. Bloke: “I could never live without you.” Girlfriend, “Is that you or the beer talking.” Bloke, “It’s me talking to the beer.”
  23. Beauty is the eye of the beer holder.
  24. You know something that’s useless. Putting an expiry date on beer. As if.
  25. Sign outside a pub, “Buy one beer for the price of two and get your second beer absolutely free.”
  26. When my wife tells me I’m lazy and need to get some exercise I say, “I’m working on my six pack.”
  27. Everyday I say, “Bob, you’ve got to stop drinking so much.” I’m so glad my name is Harry.
  28. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “sorry we don’t serve food here.”
  29. A beer bottle says, “You know if I break you get a year’s bad luck.” The mirror replies, “That’s nothing, if I break you get seven years.” By this time the condoms laughing so hard he falls over.
  30. Always keep an eye on the blokes drinking beer at the pool bar. If they don’t leave the pool, don’t swim.
  31. What’s a bloke’s idea of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.
  32. A man walks into a bar with a roll of asphalt under his arm and says, “Give me a beer and one for the road.”
  33. They recently found out beer contains estrogen. Apparently after 6 schooners you can talk endlessly about nothing.
  34. A worker at a brewery falls into a vat and drowns. His best mate volunteers to tell his wife. “Did he go quickly?” she asks.” Sadly no, his mate replies. “He had to get out three times to pee.”
  35. What’s with coasters? Who puts their beer down?
  36. My man cave has an open door policy. Bring the beer and I’ll open the door.
  37. As the barman wheeled in a keg one young bloke turned to another and said, “I’d tap that.”
  38. Wife to best friend, “I tried to spice up our sex life. I got the kids to sleep over, got my hair done, slipped on a super sexy leather outfit and thigh high boots” Friend, “ Gosh, I bet that got his attention when he got home.” “Yeh, he walked in, grabbed a beer, turned on the footy and yelled, “Hey Batman, what’s for dinner.” 
  39. Education is important but beer is importanter.
  40. Life is just a little bit more honest after half a dozen beers.
  41. Drinking a beer is a real skill. I like to have 5 practice beers before I have a real beer.
  42. 24 beers in a slab. 24 hours in a day. Coincidence. I think not.
  43. Sign outside a pub. Forecast for tonight: Lots of beers, low standards and poor decisions.
  44. I”m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink the more enthusiastic I get.
  45. Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
  46. Girl to BFF, “ I want him to look at me the way he looks at his first beer.”
  47. A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer. Barman says, “Why the long face?”
  48. Dracula, a werewolf and Casper the Ghost walk into a bar. Dracula says, “Two beers and a bundy, thanks.” Barman replies, “Sorry mate, we don’t serve spirits.

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