Anti Jokes


Anti JokesThe best Anti Jokes are like Y2K, Michael Jordan’s second comeback, and a balloon without helium—they build up excitement but then fall flat. But if you’re going to be disappointed by bad (brilliant) anti jokes, you may as well be disappointed by the best bad anti jokes.

If they’re so bad, why are the best anti jokes so popular? The best anti jokes are like The Flat Earth Society; they don’t make sense but their stupidity is fun to laugh at. You’ll understand the phenomenon, if you know someone who’s brilliant at anti jokes (despite them thinking they’re telling normal jokes).

But what are anti jokes? The answer is guaranteed to make you laugh. Anti humour is a type of indirect humour that involves the joke-teller delivering something which is intentionally not funny, or lacking in intrinsic meaning.

Ready? Here Are The Best Anti Jokes

The best Anti jokes? Here are some of my favourite ones:



A horse walked into a bar.

Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger of the situation.


What did one Japanese man say to another?

I don’t know I don’t speak Japanese.


This girl invited me to her house saying nobody was home.

I got there and nobody was home.


What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where’s my tractor?


What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Stubbing your toe.


What do you call a fly with no wings?

A fly. The irony is unfortunate, but the name doesn’t change.


What’s black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.


Why are people like drums?

Hit them with a stick and they make a noise.


Why don’t vampires like garlic?

You have to exist to like garlic.


What’s white and fluffy?

White fluff.


What’s green, red, orange, purple, blue and yellow?



You know what makes me smile?

Face muscles.


Queue is just Q followed by 4 silent letters.

They’re not silent. They’re just waiting their turn.


Three men walk into a bar. One excuses himself and heads to the bathroom. One gets them a table. And the other buys a round of drinks.


What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?


What is the biggest lie in the universe?

“ I have read and agree to the Terms of service”.


What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.


What would George Washington do if he was alive today?

Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.


Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn’t. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.


What did the grape say when it got crushed?

Nothing. Grapes can’t speak.


Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.


I tried talking about our future. She kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation.


You know what they say?



Guess what I saw today?

Everything I looked at.


Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted.


My friend thought an onion was the only food that could make you cry.

So I threw a watermelon in his face.


What’s red and bad for your teeth.

A brick.


An Irishman walks out of a bar.


What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.


Scientific fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.


Roses are red.
Violets are dead.
I’m a bad gardener.

Tom Raider

Tom Raider

Our wily wordsmith, Tom, is a key weaver of yarns and the chief storyteller at Octopus HQ. Tom writes words of wit and wisdom which can be read on Yellow Blogtopus. He also helps pen the praiseworthy product descriptions that help you decide what you feel like purchasing from us. Along with our Marketing Maestro, he helps brain storm and devise new plans for how to spread the name of Yellow Octopus to deserving Australians from Kakadu all the way to King Island.