6 Totally Unrealistic Game of Thrones Predictions

gra-o-tron

Do seconds sometimes feel like hours of seated thinking, exploring all the possibilities, and delving deeper into the realm of Game of Thrones?

Cease worrying about your sanity; we’re a lot little obsessed too.
Sure, one may have their predictions which might make ‘a lot of sense’, but when did common sense ever prevail Game of Thrones?

Hmmm…?! That’s what we thought.

We’re not claiming to own the next season’s screen-play, but we are claiming to have some seriously wacky, yet highly possible, yet unrealistic, predictions for the future of Game of Thrones.

6 Totally Unrealistic (Yet Highly Possible) Game of Thrones Predictions 

WARNING: Possible Spoilers

1. The White Walkers are the Westeros Weather Wo/Men

Every sacrifice made to the White Walkers only enables a stronger side of devil-spawn cold, cold zombies. As this ice-cold clan moves forward, closer to civilisation, they bring the stark cold winter with them.

2. Jon Snow Slays Ramsay Bolton

On his way back to Winterfell, Jon Snow gets wind of his half-sister’s marriage to Ramsay Bolton. His eyes grow wide with anger, and without missing a gallop, he swiftly makes his way to the gates of Winterfell, where he storms in, killing any plebeian who threatens his grand march. Once he locates Ramsay, he offers to spare his life in exchange for Sansa Stark. Ramsay responds arrogantly, rejecting his request. Jon Snow rolls out toward Ramsay in great rage, cutting off the colour from his face, and forcing his sword through his raspy throat. Off with his head!

3. Daenerys Targaryen Teaches Tyrion Lannister to Fly 

Ser Jorah and Tyrion Lannister emerge from the warm waters of the south, bringing new air with them. Returning to Daenerys with no pause, Ser Jorah finds himself pardoned, and Tyrion is treated to great hospitality, as well as wine. Tyrion initially uses his intellect to manipulate Dany; however he soon grows fond of her inner warmth. Cradling the complete trust of his new Queen, Tyrion rises to the position of Advisor. Soon after, Drogon returns to Daenerys with news from the North, as well as forgiveness. Daenerys flares in to action, introducing Tyrion to Drogon, Rhaegal, and Viserion. With much grace, Daenerys teaches Tyrion to fly among the clouds, and trains him how to be a Dragon Rider. Tyrion’s dragon, Viserion, releases him from the burden of dwarfism; he is unstoppable with his new height.

 4. Brienne and Podrick Start a Business

The days and nights spent at The Inn in Winter Town grow long, and without a word from Sansa Stark, Brienne and Podrick grow restless. The charming Podrick proves good for business at the Inn, and he is soon seen socialising with guests, travellers, and friends of the village. Seeing an escape from his tired old business, the Keeper of the Inn offers him the title to The Inn for a pretty penny. Inviting Brienne in to the lucrative venture, The Inn quickly becomes their fort, as well as their livelihood. Eventually, Brienne sets up a sword fighting school at the back of The Inn, and Podrick develops a microbrew, called PodAle.  The rumbling of the boards at The Inn sets the sound of their swirling success. Sansa who?!

5. Bran Stark Befriends the Faeries 

Away from the dangers that lurk in the winter soil, Bran has found himself among new friends, in a mystical land that is neither a cold or hot climate. Overcome by exhaustion and malnutrition, Bran falls in to a sleepy daze, for what feels like months, but is merely minutes. When Bran feels solid and secure in mind, he opens his eyes to pure magic; both men and women of short stature surround him, with sprightly faces. As his ears peak to the environment around him, he can hear the flow of crisp water, the hum of insects, and a clapping, almost fluttering sound. Bran turns his neck to see the origin of the sound, to find wings. Bran comes to the realisation that he has found himself in the company of the Faerie folk. He accepts their hospitality and soon learns how to harness his abilities as a Warg. Struggling with his immobility, Bran reaches out to his faerie friends. “I want to walk.” The following day, Bran is woken by an excruciating pain from his back. He brings his hands to his sides to find blood cascading from the source of his pain. He calls for help…has he been betrayed? His friends gather by his chamber, smiling. Liela, who has been like a sister to Bran, reveals that “We could not give you the ability to walk. Instead, we have given you
flight.”

6. Cersei Lannister Starts a Girl Pop Band

Indisposed and bored behind bars, Cersei reflects on her life and why she’s been such a cow. Knowing she wants to depart from the cruel and macabre, she decides to turn over a new leaf. No longer driven by delusional power ambitions she uses her time of solitude to choreograph dance moves and write pop songs. A fellow inmate suggests she needs to look more ‘rock n’ roll’ and gives her a prison tatt: Jaime’s gold hand on her face. She breaks out of prison and recruits three theatrical lasses from flea bottom, promising them fame and fortune. She calls the group the ‘Lannister Lionnettes’. Performing in Inn’s around Westeros, the group develops a cult following with popular hits such as, ‘Jump for Joffrey’ and ‘I love by Brother in a Different Way.’

Co-written by Marilyn and Matt. 

Matt

Matt

Matt: Marketing MaestroIt’s all very well and good having the absolute best gifts under the Australian sun, but word needs to get out to all potential Octopus aficionados about what our Cave of Wonders has to offer. Luckily, we have this flame-haired marketing maestro to make sure the name of Yellow Octopus is shouted from all the rooftops and heard through every grapevine. Matt is a magician at marketing matters and has spread the word of awesome gifts to every corner of Straya and beyond. His ideas just keep getting cooler and quirkier, so keep an eye out for exciting developments happening in the very near future!

Outer Space

Leave a Reply